Staff Room from Hell

Being a TOC, or substitute teacher, means I get to teach in a lot of different classrooms, in a lot of different schools. And each school comes with its very own staff room complete with its own atmosphere and politics. Most schools have a very friendly staff room – you can choose any coffee mug you wish, the tables are not designated by seniority and no one has precedence over any particular chair. In most schools, the staff will smile and ask, “Who are you in for today?” or “Do you want to join us?” or comment, “Hey, looks like a great lunch!” In most schools the conversation is open, usually boisterous and often engaging. But there are those rare occasions, where I happen upon the staff room from hell.

Reaching up for a nice, cozy blue mug, I notice too late that the shelf is labelled STAFF MUGS ONLY – “That’s my mug you have there, do mind if I use it?” Mortified, I turn to see a woman, with perfectly coifed hair and arched eyebrows giving me a curt and not too friendly smile. “You can use those mugs – over there,” my eyes follow the trajectory of her long, polished finger. “Thanks”, I manage to mumble as I find a suitable VISITOR MUG. Although this mug is old, cracked and stained, I’m just happy I didn’t loose a hand for it. Grabbing my tea and my lunch bag, I now have the daunting task of trying to choose where to sit. In this staff room the tables are clustered together in small groups. There are four or five seats at each table. And, so far, there is nobody sitting at any table. I’ve got a clear run at it and I make my way to the table in the far corner, the one with the newspaper on it. Settling in, I’m joined by a male teacher who introduces himself as he takes out his lunch. “You know,” he says casually, “intermediate teachers usually sit at this table. Over there is where the primary teachers sit.” Unsure of how he knew I was in for the grade 2 teacher and not completely confident he wants to share his intermediate table for lunch, I smile and open the paper. As another, apparently, intermediate teacher joins the table, the two immediately engross themselves in a conversation about the math quiz they are going to give this week. Thankful for somewhere to put my eyes and pretend like I’m not there, I sink into the newspaper. I quickly finish off my lunch, place the VISITOR MUG in the dishwasher and head for the computer room – looking forward to spending the rest of the lunch hour comfortably alone in the friendly glow of the computer screen.

A thought: as teachers, aren’t we expected to live up to our own rules for the classroom? Doesn’t “Be Nice and Share” extend beyond the life of elementary school students? Unfortunately, in some staff rooms, it feels more like navigating the unknowns of a kindergarten class rather than having lunch with other professionals.